~*Dolce Stella*~: May 2007

So many reasons why I hate him.

I’m writing this not only to say what I think, but what I say its true, after observing it close over a year, and to also open your damn brain. It is right that when you are so caught up in your bf thing, you intend not to listen to your friends that care. There is a thing u have to learn that whatever a close friend tells you it is for a reason same thing of what you dream. Dreaming is like a way of understand your unconscious mind what u cant do it in reality and cant confront it, so that why it happens in your dreams.

Maybe you may read this and forget about it, or you may take this and understand word by word. I am not exaggerating and I am not making anything up. I am not hating because it makes no sense of hating on an unhealthy person that is empty headed, you!

It all started since this year on my birthday………. How can he be so selfish not coming to my birthday and go out and exercise. Luckily she liked that because she had fun without him anyways. She did not make a big deal out of it, when on the other side is this would happened to him, he would had bugged the whole night. When she is at my house, we have a good time, girly time. He calls every fucking damn hour. Next time I hear that phone ringing more than three times a day while she is with me. I swear I will throw it and smash it. You are just checking on her. She is with me, what can it happen.

In the beginning he was jealous at me because you were with me. He is so unconfident about you, paranoid that she will cheat on you. How the hell she can cheat on you. She is with me, is she ever does this, she knows how messed up she will be and how I will not talk to her. This shows how much you don’t trust her. You think she goes to club and fucks everybody. Are you serious? Whatever she does, or how ever she has if, it not about hocking up, what a damn moron he is. Oh by the way. I you Kat read this, you know I have a long way, this is not even half. And if it happens that he is reading this, here is a message for him > Keep on reading, and if you hate me, and you think all I say it’s because I want you both off, you are wrong. I say all of this from what I observed, and from what came from her mouth, she is just too week to tell you. She will kiss his ass to say sorry and not continue with the drama, and same thing with him. Saying sorry, listen > Talk is cheap!

One thing that makes me mad is the lack of education. I hate drugs from the bottom of my heart. If I say drugs I mean illegal drugs. Everything starting from weed and so on. How the fuck she wants to get high. This pisses me off more than anything. There is so many ways to have fun and feel good without alcohol or weed. And one more messed up this is that, if she asks for week, he will get it for her. ARE U AERIOUS. You are her boyfriend, aren’t your supposed to stop her from taking drugs. This means he is a fucker too. If I had a boyfriend offering me week, he will be ex the next day! REDICULOUS. Maybe I think different than you do. Well it because then I have morals and I value myself. On the other hand all you do shows the minuses from these values!

When you say that on one day you are the greatest couple on the planet, the next day you feel like letting it go. This shows your insecurity. You say you expect more from him. Well darling, your expectations will never meet your needs. If you feel that way and it didn’t come true, this means it will never. He is not the same as you are, and this is how he is. He said he will change, but he will not. That talk you had about changing and doing this and that it was just cheap. It was in a way like manipulating you. And talking about manipulating. He is already. Cuz the jealousy for me was because he wanted to take over the BEST FRIEND. When you have friends, boyfriend, family, they all are PART of your life. He wanted to be WHOLE of your life. Hello. She has a life, college, work not like him. I don’t even know what he cares about. And those are his problems. I am not judging, cuz I don’t know him.

The night for a club for my birthday, he wanted all the attention on him. Cuz he could not make it to club, doesn’t mean she cannot go with me. Then again ya both started to argue being so disrespectful the fact that you knew it was my birthday and I had to stand in a line or on the side alone and watch bunch of new Yorkers passing by on 42 street when he knew that your best friend is there, and he taking you over a convo that was ridiculous was disrespectful. He is selfish god damn it! Sometimes he does it in purpose. When you are at my house, me and you talk. Riinggg.. a phone call from him, ahh he is bored, and he want to talk to you, knowing the fact I am there. Dumb ass, doesn’t he have other friends?

A great example of how talk is cheap was at the restaurant past Saturday. He said he was going to change, but it showed how it was useless. I was surrounded by polish people, tried to have fun and keep a conversation with who I could, and trying much not to interrupt you from him. At the end of the day he was still not satisfied with it. Meaning I took her away from him. I know how much he can not stand me, and I feel it. Stop trying to cover it, cuz it will never help. He said you paid more attention to me than to him. I mean, no body made an effort to say ONE word in English so obvious I was just staring around. And all he wanted is to have you, you and you. Have respect for the others too. We all are in a restaurant , its not like he will grab you and just cuddle, be respectful to her parents too. Showing his ego is really immature, and stupid.

You saying so many times how much you want to break up./ This never happened. You are so light minded, and you get manipulated so easy. It is because you are so unconfident, and you do not know what you want. All you do is college, work and him. I never saw you doing what you love to do. You can find a hobby and practice it after school, work or anything. Hang out with friend from work, have fun and meet new people. I have never saw that happening. All after school or work it has to be him. Or the reason that you cant hang out with people from work or college it is because of him. He is too jealous, God Damn it, he is a psycho. No matter how sweet he can be, and make jokes around me. But inside he is not that person on the outside and how he acts. He acts nice to win everybody’s heart. But imagine how it is being married to that person. WOW. Too controlling.

Sometimes I think you are being the same like he is. When you told me you wanted to move out and find a roommate. You wanted to do it with a friend. And then he tells you he wants to move out too, with his best friend. You jumped and bugged out for him not telling you and why cant he move in with you. Hello first of all you just being selfish, cuz all this time you said this and that about him, and now you want to move with him. Let him do what the hell he wants. You acting now like he does. OMG. YA KIDS SOMETIMES. Make up your god damn mind.

I don’t even know how you will take it. All I said was what I think.

When you say you are scared to be alone and not be in a relationship. I think that is bogus. I mean there are so many things you can do, not only sex. Huh. You can find something to do, more time to yourself. Shit, I been single for over a year. And it was my best year ever. I didn’t need no tail tied up to my ass, no calls like “why didn’t u call me”, because I had a busy day and you were not on my mind because I had other things to focus on. I am going to college and now summer is coming. I will have so much fun. And sorry, if we both decide to go to Florida, I don’t want him crying this and that, and I don’t want him to come. But obvious ya again will argue and then he will be calling like million times a day. But I will pick up the phone and tell in the face to fucking stop bugging out, or damn throw that cell phone in the water. I so want that to happen. Because I am strong and I am not scared to say what I think, because this is who I am. Saying something you don’t mean, its not being true to yourself. And being true to yourself make you more confident.

You tell me sometimes one thing, and then you so insecure and tell him other thing.

OMG my damn fingers hurt. WHY I have this upon my hearty. Well the reason is why, because I am tired to see you like this. I am tired of all the time when havinmg a conversation with you. It is about how psycho he is, and this and that. Have I ever had a conversation about how much you are happy, and how wonderful he is. Nope, never. I want to hear something romantic. I want to hear real feeling. Where did this disappear. Sorry but then it comes to a conclusion that he is not for you. And no matter how hard for you it is to let this go and realize it, it has to happen. If no then you will suffer. He will never change and this is how it is. You ignore to accept it, cuz you are being so loose sometimes. Don’t be scared of being alone. You need to learn so many things, and damn take opportunities. Look for what you want. Take classes, I don’t know. I don’t even know what you really want for a career.

I don’t know if this was useful, but I been typing thing and typing.If you don’t listen, then I am sorry. You will ever be like lying to yourself and have a pain inside.

I LISTEN TO WHAT PPL HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE IT HAS TO BE WITH A REASON. I DON’T SAY THIS BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HIM, BUT I DON’T LIKE HIM FOR A REASON. And all the reasons came from you, and your mouth and actions I saw. Its not like I am coming up with an illusion story.

Life its not a movie when everything comes romantic. And for me it seems you are just existing and not really doing what you want. Look at this> “The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actually, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing” - Michael E. Gerber. Maybe at least this will make you think more about YOUR LIFE in general!

Only a person who really loves you will open your eyes and try everything to see you happy. And a “homie” will just tell you to have fun! Having fun and life fully are two different things!

P.S. if somebody reading this tells me I am nobody and how dare I say this. Well screw you. My life if fully created by me. I observed everything with her, and you see it took me a while to pull this out, because I am EDUCATED!