hmm... yeahh well. The name says it all. You know some people say, Live your life, like it was your last day. Well basically this is what I am doing. Not really actually ding everything I WANT to, but almost there. I walk differently now. I see so many things arund, and I do not take it for granted. Halloween is coming, and it will be my last one here. I honestly dont want a big thing. I just want to celebrte it decent, nice and memorable with my closest friends. I am tired of being surounded of people that do not care. And if they don't, why should I. Now i chose better with who i want to hang out; with who I want to see a movie; with who i want to get lunch and so more. Why waste time with people that don't care. So this is how I am now. I wish people see this, and those that care will dedicate time to you; to listen; to hang out; and to talk; and most important, to understand.
Happy Halloween homies LOL.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Hip Hop vs America
Why is Hip Hp under attack? Why the American society has targeted it? Does Hip Hop embody a bad image? Does it insult other? Why should they take all the blame?
Between Hip Hop and street gangs or crimes, is no correlation. I could even say ZERO. Hip Hop just rhymes about street gangs, about the society how bad it is. They don’t make it bad. They do not influence any minorities. Hip Hop itself it is influenced by the world around. And how come America is going to stand up now, and blame Hip Hop for street violence and many more, when actually Hip Hop sings about what is going on in the world. The government should first take care of that, and then take responsibility about what Hip Hop is about.
Some artist chose their own style, their own words, and it is already to the public to be the audience. If an artist chooses to write about in the streets, well let it be. A lot of people will be able to relate to that, because it is the reality. If an artist picks to write about money, and power, let it be.
Now you are going to wonder bout the words that has created a contraversary. Hoes, Bitched… hmm what they mean to each individual, it will be taken differently. Hip Hop does not put the women’s value down. Just think about this. How many times you found yourself in a circle, and a woman will call on her female friend, a bitch. Was that attributed towards her negatively? Probably not. But then why when it comes to Hip Hop lyrics it is a battle of disrespect. I am not saying that some rappers should not be responsibility for what they say, yes there are some. And there should be probably an extended limit.
Also, how can u judge an artist only by a video? 0Ohh big deal, there are half naked women n the video. By the way, those women were not forced to be portrayed like that in the video. They had a choose. If they choose to be exposed and carry themselves like that, then let it be. Don’t judge a rapper by a 4 minute video, and you can already jump to a conclusion about their life, or personality, based only upon that video. Only!
Was Hip Hop only, or is Hip Hop only addressed to colored people. Nope, it never was. Hip Hop was created from different genres of music, funk, jazz, pop and has created this awesome, powerful genre, called Hip Hop. It is a multi cultural music that was created in the West and over time has influenced the Eastern nations. A colored person listens to it, Hispanic, white, Chinese, Indian, European, Jewish, you name it, and it is there.
Now, about how it is attacked. Drug abuse is a huge issue. Just face it. Racism is built in our minds, even though you do not realize it. It affects our cognitive thinking and it is conditioned by the cultural deficiency. The statistics showed that when asked the US population to describe a crack head, how it looks like; 90% described as African American male. Is just that a coincidence to my topic or it does represent it. And when you look at the statistics of the drug use in Seattle, 71% is white that abuse cocaine. The rest are Black and Hispanic. Then explain why the rate of arrest it is 60% being black? Is it because the prototype we have in our mind affects the way we picture a drug user, could it be because of the space open, that white people will not get caught because they intend to do it in a close place, where Hispanic and black are doing more in the open?
Does this somehow link that Hip Hop is being under attack. Look at the latest news. Lil Wayne was arrested because he was found with marijuana and some other illegal substances. Why him? Why did he get caught? And I bet that the society will do so many things so that they can close him or put him on probation for more than 3 years. When meanwhile Lindsay Lohan when she was accused for the possession of cocaine, she poor girl had one year probation. Big deal. Why so?
This is causing anger in me. I want to stand up for Hip Hop, and give a punch in the face to the society to wake up, and stop being so prejudicial.
[sorry for writing a lot, but still not enough. I will need sources to back up. Hahah this is just me, my opinion]
Between Hip Hop and street gangs or crimes, is no correlation. I could even say ZERO. Hip Hop just rhymes about street gangs, about the society how bad it is. They don’t make it bad. They do not influence any minorities. Hip Hop itself it is influenced by the world around. And how come America is going to stand up now, and blame Hip Hop for street violence and many more, when actually Hip Hop sings about what is going on in the world. The government should first take care of that, and then take responsibility about what Hip Hop is about.
Some artist chose their own style, their own words, and it is already to the public to be the audience. If an artist chooses to write about in the streets, well let it be. A lot of people will be able to relate to that, because it is the reality. If an artist picks to write about money, and power, let it be.
Now you are going to wonder bout the words that has created a contraversary. Hoes, Bitched… hmm what they mean to each individual, it will be taken differently. Hip Hop does not put the women’s value down. Just think about this. How many times you found yourself in a circle, and a woman will call on her female friend, a bitch. Was that attributed towards her negatively? Probably not. But then why when it comes to Hip Hop lyrics it is a battle of disrespect. I am not saying that some rappers should not be responsibility for what they say, yes there are some. And there should be probably an extended limit.
Also, how can u judge an artist only by a video? 0Ohh big deal, there are half naked women n the video. By the way, those women were not forced to be portrayed like that in the video. They had a choose. If they choose to be exposed and carry themselves like that, then let it be. Don’t judge a rapper by a 4 minute video, and you can already jump to a conclusion about their life, or personality, based only upon that video. Only!
Was Hip Hop only, or is Hip Hop only addressed to colored people. Nope, it never was. Hip Hop was created from different genres of music, funk, jazz, pop and has created this awesome, powerful genre, called Hip Hop. It is a multi cultural music that was created in the West and over time has influenced the Eastern nations. A colored person listens to it, Hispanic, white, Chinese, Indian, European, Jewish, you name it, and it is there.
Now, about how it is attacked. Drug abuse is a huge issue. Just face it. Racism is built in our minds, even though you do not realize it. It affects our cognitive thinking and it is conditioned by the cultural deficiency. The statistics showed that when asked the US population to describe a crack head, how it looks like; 90% described as African American male. Is just that a coincidence to my topic or it does represent it. And when you look at the statistics of the drug use in Seattle, 71% is white that abuse cocaine. The rest are Black and Hispanic. Then explain why the rate of arrest it is 60% being black? Is it because the prototype we have in our mind affects the way we picture a drug user, could it be because of the space open, that white people will not get caught because they intend to do it in a close place, where Hispanic and black are doing more in the open?
Does this somehow link that Hip Hop is being under attack. Look at the latest news. Lil Wayne was arrested because he was found with marijuana and some other illegal substances. Why him? Why did he get caught? And I bet that the society will do so many things so that they can close him or put him on probation for more than 3 years. When meanwhile Lindsay Lohan when she was accused for the possession of cocaine, she poor girl had one year probation. Big deal. Why so?
This is causing anger in me. I want to stand up for Hip Hop, and give a punch in the face to the society to wake up, and stop being so prejudicial.
[sorry for writing a lot, but still not enough. I will need sources to back up. Hahah this is just me, my opinion]
Sunday, October 14, 2007
wake up call....
hmm..... It is damn hard for me to start this, and it may be the longest post.
Starting this summer I feel displaced. I do not know where I belong; where should I go; where will I end up; what will happen to me???
What am I talking bout? here is why i said all these..... Since I came here, I had to accept the fact that it was only for a period of time, for three years. When I started to get a taste of my new life here, I threw it all away. I blocked the fact that I will have to face the fact that I am going to go back. I did my best in High School; took advantage of all the possibilities; and even got myself into a pretty good college. Also last but not least, I got tight with really awesome people. And imagine this. It is not hard for me to pack and leave. But I also think about the others. How bad I will hurt them? This is breaking me. So yeah, I blocked it so bad......... that I probably live in my own world. Ignored my parent's talk, and everything around me. Ask me now a few questions about my cousins names, and far aunts. You will get a black stare from me. Ask me a really complicated word in Romanian or even a simple saying.. I will look at it like I came from another world.
One thing that pisses me off is that I did my best to get into college, and study here. And now for what? I could had taken my HS Diploma, and didn't give a shit about a Regents Diploma, SAT and college application. After ceremony, come home and pack, and I could had gotten back. Knowing that when i got there to apply to a University, the things that I got here would not matter at all. I could easily pay my contract and my tests and I am there. Easy rite? And I know all about this. But no........ I studied my freaking brains out, I got into a college here, and to quit in the middle of the year or even after a year, it will aggravate me so much; knowing I could had traveled, work or even chill all this time, cuz when i go back, the college experience from here would not matter there.~~ Fuck, fuck and fuck again!
I am still blocking this though now. I go to school, I have fun with my friends and enjoy my time. But when I come home and I lay down in my bed before, I cry myself to fall asleep, asking those questions that I wrote in the beginning. It is so damn hard for me. This stops me from so many things. Ohhh.... I don't even know with what to start. Im cutting down on my spendings, knowing that i have to save, and when i leave I want to spend like over $2000 on shopping-clothing. Also I am saving because I want to see a bit more of US before I leave. I want to go to Las Vegas and Miami- my main ones. Maybe with luck I want to go to Los Angeles, Atlanta, DC ... maybe. .................
I am just writing my feelings down, I am not asking for help or support. It is my damn problem. and I am trying everything. I am still pending for my Student Visa, and that is taking so much time. Probably till December.
0o0hh man and I had, yes I HAD so many dreams. Hmmmm when I think about the dreams i HAD, I slap myself now, so I can wake up.
I AM SO SORRY!
I also see my dad getting prepared more than ever, and my mom too. they bought a piece of land there, and they are thinking about having a house or themselves. My dad is buying a car soon for the whole family. A car that I will be able to drive, my mom and himself. This sucks already, cuz the one I wanted huh, he will not get it. So we ended up in the middle. I guess it's pretty fair. What else.. 0ohh some many things. My mom has canceled her credit cards, because she doesn't wanna pay them before we leave, and she just wants to have no dept, just her own debit card. 0o0hhh
I feel now like I wanna quit college, because at this point it makes no sense for me. Maybe I will end up not going to spring semester, and I know that for sure. After December, after my finals, I am going to work to get money, travel meanwhile and enjoy the last months. Hmm i want so many things... and hahahah [from a book] I am just going to hustle and sell cocaine. Gonna get up to $10 000 a month.,... lmfaoo..
This is so hard. I practically became so cold; a person without a heart.
FuCk My LiFe.
Yoo.. dont get me wrong, I am not complaining either. I freaking love my love no matter what. I never missed anything materially, and i have the best people around me. And I am thankful of that!
Sometimes I just have to accept it. Not everything is going to be how I hoped, and I just have to take it like that.
0ohh by the way, this is an awesome quote. "No matter how many years you thought you knew a person, at the end you actually don't even know him"
This does not go for me cuz I am not fake. I have created a new person here, and those who been with me all this time, knows how I am. [forget the person I was in the past, that has just helped me built who I am TODAY]
That quote goes more for the people, you did not know their past.
This still didn't wake me up. I am still going to live till the last day of my departure [which I hope will never happen], but ALL I am saying, is that I will still be the same. It makes no difference if I tell everyone I am leaving now or then. The only difference is that, now, you will just cry and be miserable. I prefer to cry the last day and have the best time now till then.
Starting this summer I feel displaced. I do not know where I belong; where should I go; where will I end up; what will happen to me???
What am I talking bout? here is why i said all these..... Since I came here, I had to accept the fact that it was only for a period of time, for three years. When I started to get a taste of my new life here, I threw it all away. I blocked the fact that I will have to face the fact that I am going to go back. I did my best in High School; took advantage of all the possibilities; and even got myself into a pretty good college. Also last but not least, I got tight with really awesome people. And imagine this. It is not hard for me to pack and leave. But I also think about the others. How bad I will hurt them? This is breaking me. So yeah, I blocked it so bad......... that I probably live in my own world. Ignored my parent's talk, and everything around me. Ask me now a few questions about my cousins names, and far aunts. You will get a black stare from me. Ask me a really complicated word in Romanian or even a simple saying.. I will look at it like I came from another world.
One thing that pisses me off is that I did my best to get into college, and study here. And now for what? I could had taken my HS Diploma, and didn't give a shit about a Regents Diploma, SAT and college application. After ceremony, come home and pack, and I could had gotten back. Knowing that when i got there to apply to a University, the things that I got here would not matter at all. I could easily pay my contract and my tests and I am there. Easy rite? And I know all about this. But no........ I studied my freaking brains out, I got into a college here, and to quit in the middle of the year or even after a year, it will aggravate me so much; knowing I could had traveled, work or even chill all this time, cuz when i go back, the college experience from here would not matter there.~~ Fuck, fuck and fuck again!
I am still blocking this though now. I go to school, I have fun with my friends and enjoy my time. But when I come home and I lay down in my bed before, I cry myself to fall asleep, asking those questions that I wrote in the beginning. It is so damn hard for me. This stops me from so many things. Ohhh.... I don't even know with what to start. Im cutting down on my spendings, knowing that i have to save, and when i leave I want to spend like over $2000 on shopping-clothing. Also I am saving because I want to see a bit more of US before I leave. I want to go to Las Vegas and Miami- my main ones. Maybe with luck I want to go to Los Angeles, Atlanta, DC ... maybe. .................
I am just writing my feelings down, I am not asking for help or support. It is my damn problem. and I am trying everything. I am still pending for my Student Visa, and that is taking so much time. Probably till December.
0o0hh man and I had, yes I HAD so many dreams. Hmmmm when I think about the dreams i HAD, I slap myself now, so I can wake up.
I AM SO SORRY!
I also see my dad getting prepared more than ever, and my mom too. they bought a piece of land there, and they are thinking about having a house or themselves. My dad is buying a car soon for the whole family. A car that I will be able to drive, my mom and himself. This sucks already, cuz the one I wanted huh, he will not get it. So we ended up in the middle. I guess it's pretty fair. What else.. 0ohh some many things. My mom has canceled her credit cards, because she doesn't wanna pay them before we leave, and she just wants to have no dept, just her own debit card. 0o0hhh
I feel now like I wanna quit college, because at this point it makes no sense for me. Maybe I will end up not going to spring semester, and I know that for sure. After December, after my finals, I am going to work to get money, travel meanwhile and enjoy the last months. Hmm i want so many things... and hahahah [from a book] I am just going to hustle and sell cocaine. Gonna get up to $10 000 a month.,... lmfaoo..
This is so hard. I practically became so cold; a person without a heart.
FuCk My LiFe.
Yoo.. dont get me wrong, I am not complaining either. I freaking love my love no matter what. I never missed anything materially, and i have the best people around me. And I am thankful of that!
Sometimes I just have to accept it. Not everything is going to be how I hoped, and I just have to take it like that.
0ohh by the way, this is an awesome quote. "No matter how many years you thought you knew a person, at the end you actually don't even know him"
This does not go for me cuz I am not fake. I have created a new person here, and those who been with me all this time, knows how I am. [forget the person I was in the past, that has just helped me built who I am TODAY]
That quote goes more for the people, you did not know their past.
This still didn't wake me up. I am still going to live till the last day of my departure [which I hope will never happen], but ALL I am saying, is that I will still be the same. It makes no difference if I tell everyone I am leaving now or then. The only difference is that, now, you will just cry and be miserable. I prefer to cry the last day and have the best time now till then.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Random
Hmmm... I am going to write some random thoughts ... I honestly don't feel like composing stories or anything else that happened to me or yada yada....
People say- It's never too late.. ohh yeah bullshit.. Sometimes it is just too late..
College is not as easy but it not as hard as some teachers in HS told us. Ohh fuckk.... no matter where you study you may end up working in an office with people that went to HARVARD or Brooklyn College.....wow... same degree... and you know what is the difference.. U SPEND UR DMAN MONEY... !! I really do not want to graduate and have to pay my loan... 0ohh i will shot myself. Thanks I go to a good enough college.I go to Baruch.. and I love it!!!!!
I lost the belief in love... is there such thing... not.. maybe not at my age, or who knows.... I mean... will I ever find someone that actually will care about you without being obsessed..... to like you and still give you your space..... be funny and smart without being immature...... hold your hand no matter what.... surprise you with nice things not with stupidities.... be down to earth not act fake that he is a gentleman.... and also not forget good looking.. Bullshit when ppl say that looks don't matter.... yes they do. A man will always want to marry and spread their genetics to a younger, healthier and prettier woman.. DUH!
Life it's far beyond a complicated subject.. so please let's not waste time to talk about it. Life it is just a play and we are the actors... unscripted.
People say- It's never too late.. ohh yeah bullshit.. Sometimes it is just too late..
College is not as easy but it not as hard as some teachers in HS told us. Ohh fuckk.... no matter where you study you may end up working in an office with people that went to HARVARD or Brooklyn College.....wow... same degree... and you know what is the difference.. U SPEND UR DMAN MONEY... !! I really do not want to graduate and have to pay my loan... 0ohh i will shot myself. Thanks I go to a good enough college.I go to Baruch.. and I love it!!!!!
I lost the belief in love... is there such thing... not.. maybe not at my age, or who knows.... I mean... will I ever find someone that actually will care about you without being obsessed..... to like you and still give you your space..... be funny and smart without being immature...... hold your hand no matter what.... surprise you with nice things not with stupidities.... be down to earth not act fake that he is a gentleman.... and also not forget good looking.. Bullshit when ppl say that looks don't matter.... yes they do. A man will always want to marry and spread their genetics to a younger, healthier and prettier woman.. DUH!
Life it's far beyond a complicated subject.. so please let's not waste time to talk about it. Life it is just a play and we are the actors... unscripted.
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