Unfair and Passion

Unfair
I am thinking should I be very explicit or implicit. Well I guess will not matter, because nobody really reads this.
Report Card= Sucked ass. Well I am so embarrassed because my average went down tremendously. You can say it is ridiculous, but no. You don’t understand my situation. Grades has always mattered to me, and I don’t even feel good about writing it here.
Some of them were absolutely unfair, even if it was a good grade too. I had good paper grades and test grades too. And I totally got an unfair grade. The hatred built up, and now I don’t care anymore. The cup over filled, I am too tired to speak and too tired to eat.

Passion.
On Friday we had a performance in the auditorium. Oh my god, how bad they sucked. It was horrible, boring and stupid. And you will see I am right. When you come on a stage, you have to be focused; those people should have gotten their act together. There was no passion, no pose in the,. It was just a dead body with no enthusiasm moving their arms stupidly on that stage. This is the answer you will get if you ask me what I thought about it. And I even have to write an essay for my French class about this, and this is exactly what I will say. Why lying when the truth was on the surface? Maybe the only danced I liked was the last one. That’s it, period

Keep on searching

I've been high I've been low
I've been fast I've been slow
I've had nowhere to go
Missed the bus missed the show
I've been down on my luck
I've felt like giving up
My life locked in a trunk
When it hurt way too much
I needed a reason to live
Some love inside me to give
I couldn't rest I had to keep on searching

I've been too sad to speak and too tired to eat
Been too lonely to sing the devil cut off my wings
I've been hurt by my past but I feel the future
In my dreams and it lasts I wake up I'm not sure
I wanted to find the light something just didn't feel right
I needed an answer to end all my searching

I look in the mirror the picture's getting clearer
I wanna be myself but does the world really need her
I ache for this earth
I stopped going to church
See God in the trees makes me fall to my knees
My depression keeps building like a cup overfilling
My heart so rigid I keep it in the fridge
It hurts so bad that I can't dry my eyes
Cuz they keep on refilling with the tears that I cry...

what I have to say

One subject that I know for a fact that everyone in school it’s talking, it is about the fight and the killing that happened in the Union Square Park. I honestly will say that I don’t give a shit. I feel that the Park should restrict students hanging in the park. It is absolutely absurd. I bet that now people are paranoid to pass by the park during school hours. This is what I have to say.
Later.

Misunderstood

MISUNDERSTOOD

I can’t stand the sound.
The sound of fear.
I want to run away in the middle on no where.
It’s not easy going through a world
Where everything is misunderstood.
Fortune it is not the word for me
Either does struggle.
I don’t know where do I belong.
But as I remember
Life it’s not about finding yourself,
Life it’s about creating yourself.
I care less of the people below me what they think,
And take more advices from the people above me.
Life makes me itch,
Enjoyable and painful at the same time.
Maybe I should get some help.
But I know that nobody will ever understand what I think!

deleted

On Saturday, I officialy deleted my MYSPACE account. I got very tired of it. The thruth is that some poeple do not admit they are addicted to it. It is like a pill, it makes you feel good, for whatever reason you have, eighter chating with friends, crush, or meeting new people. And then it becomes addictive. Same what happened to me. It was like my morphine, to keep me up everythingle time I get bored or when I come from schoo. I considered it very rediculous. Well, what I say I always do it. So i delted it. But ... I think I will create an account again, but not soon......

much love

Hey, again. It's been a while since I haven't write something about me. Well This week I got a throat Infection, and I never had this thing before. It is way different when having a cold and a sore throat, but like this all of a suden when I feel perfectly fine it's totally insane. I hate it. It's very hard for me to eat, and swallow, and breathe normally, especially when I go up the stairs in school. Today in my secod period class, I was cold as hell, I tought i was going to pass out. I felt like closing my eyes and sleep, but I couldn't, I wasn't at all comfortable..... And yeah talking about school. I am so sick and tired of it. Serious, being a senior I am full of it. EWwwwI think it is this Senior Sickness,<>

I aven't been in a good shape lately. I have no idea, by the way, I meant health shape. I get sick, I get headaches, back pains, and I am on pills now. woww how wonderfull. Grrrrr I feel like taking a break from everything, do somehing that I have to cath up to, and have the whole time. ...

I never mentioned this topic before, beacsue I do not reveal my pain and emotions, that much. So i want to write here that for the past year I have been extremly worried about my cousin's health. She's only 18 and she has tons and tons of problems. In the past 2-3 years she was always on drugs and prescriptions, I mean wow, that girl cannot even take a break. She has heart problems, she had Hepapitis before (i am not sure if I spelled it right), she has some Liver problems now. WOW when she writes me an e-mail about something that bothered her or that she was to the doctor, it makes me cry. And I do cry. I am worried and scared to death that she may not live long and have more problems in the furutre... shes too young. It breaks my heart becasue I pracically grew up with her, we are only 7 months apart, shes older. I was always always with her. but of course she lives in Moldova at the time. Last summer, my parents took her here. They paid her everything, shes like another daughter for my mom. I love her a lot and I miss her.

I am also very proud at thse time, because my sis (best friend), is working in Abercrombie & Fitch. I mean heello only gouregos people work there, shes AMAZING. Seing her working there, when I go and visit her in the store, its soo cool. I mean it's a high brand , a preppy store, but who carfes... Its cool. I love her. I don't know if I ever said this, but she's my role model......................... and I am always there for her. Love her soo much!

I am also trying to get a job now at some Itanial Coffe palce/ snackbar. They sell different kind of sandwaches. My friend works in the one uptown, and on December 20th they are opening one in SOHO, so I already applyed, and now I am waiting for the interview. I want something new for a change. I looked all over in stores, but none of them fit me. I applyed for Toys R' Us, but it's a funny story how I never showed up for the interview. LOL


TAKE CARE EVERYBODY
MUCHOS LOVES

YOU..

Yes it has changed

I feel it’s broken, but it could be repaired
I could never stand and say it
But I guess now the water has spilled from the glass.
It began this summer.
I noticed that you don’t like hanging out with my friends
And you don’t like his’.
All you care is about you both.
I have never seen a movie with you since Phat Girls.
Long time, right?
You know me, and I always love movies
And we used to see all the best new movies and have a night out.
Now you can’t see the same movie twice, cuz you already saw them.
And look where we are now.
Already weak.
I can’t change the direction that would be selfish.
I am happy for you and him,
But it seems you totally forgot about me.
When we get together we have the best fun
But it’s not that often how it used to be.
He’s too jealous and I need a best friend.
This will never balance.
When I need to talk to you, you always with him
You can’t talk around him.
This makes me sad, and I need to find somebody to talk to.
You may be saying why I just said this,
Cuz he gets mad when he calls you and you are with me.
But you don’t realize that his calls are only to check on you.
Maybe I will find another way.
I am tired.
I guess I am too used to you
So this is my mistake
But I love you no matter what.. . . . . .